Some people believe connection takes hours.
A sunset walk.
A long dinner in Little Italy.
A second location. Maybe even a third.
Some believe you need appetizers at Ironside, a main at Civico 1845, and gelato after before forming an opinion.
(Some believe you need to check their Instagram first. 🙃)
And then there are the quietly confident ones.
The ones who step outside near the patio heaters, glance toward the ocean air, and whisper to their friend:
“Yeah… I know.”
And here’s the part no one says out loud:
They’re usually right.
🧠 Your Brain Isn’t Collecting Facts — It’s Reading Rhythm
You think you’re evaluating:
Do we both like the beach?
Would they hike Torrey Pines voluntarily?
Are they emotionally available and not just vibing through life in board shorts?
But your brain? It’s doing something much cheekier.
It’s asking:
Do they talk with me… or at me?
Do they notice what I say?
Do pauses feel easy — or slightly awkward?
Do I feel relaxed… or subtly braced?
You’re not consciously scoring this.
But your nervous system absolutely is.
And it does not require sunset-to-dessert.
⏱ The First Few Minutes Are the Real Ones
In the beginning, nobody has adjusted yet.
There’s no polish.
No performance.
No “let me show you my optimized personality.”
You see:
✨ Natural listening style
✨ Interruption habits
✨ Curiosity level
✨ Emotional presence
✨ Conversational generosity
After 45 minutes?
Everyone improves slightly.
The ocean breeze helps.
The second drink smooths edges.
Stories get tighter. Delivery gets better.
But better delivery is not better compatibility.
People rarely become different.
They become more comfortable.
And compatibility lives underneath comfort.
🌊 Curiosity Is Not Compatibility (Let’s Not Confuse Them)
A long date along the coast can create curiosity.
“Ooooh, they’re interesting.”
But compatibility?
Compatibility feels like:
“Oh. This is easy.”
Curiosity says:
“I want to know more.”
Compatibility says:
“I don’t have to try here.”
One is intrigue.
One is rhythm.
And rhythm doesn’t need three hours and a sunset.
You feel it almost immediately.
💬 “I Can’t Explain It, But I Know.”
We hear this constantly after our San Diego events.
People leave Gaslamp, North Park, La Jolla — and say:
“I just knew.”
Not because they gathered a mountain of data.
Because they gathered the right data.
Conversation isn’t something you figure out over fish tacos and rooftop views.
It’s something you feel in real time.
Once you experience someone’s communication style, your brain fills in more than their résumé ever could.
🌴 Why Short Conversations Are Surprisingly Honest
Short conversations remove performance time.
There’s no chance to curate the perfect persona.
No time to rehearse stories.
No opportunity to overcompensate.
You simply are who you are.
And so are they.
And clarity?
Clarity loves that.
😉 So… Did You Rush?
No.
You recognized.
You recognized how your body felt.
You recognized the conversational rhythm.
You recognized whether you leaned in — or subtly leaned back.
Seven minutes isn’t reckless.
Seven minutes is revealing.
And rhythm, lovely San Diego reader…
Feels even clearer in coastal air.
It rarely lies.